Grant Holt scored twice at the weekend to see off Wolves, but nationally he is still somewhat of an irrelevance.

The cult of Grant Holt, the portly former non-league Norwich City forward, is much like the city he plays in: provincial and retarded. Holt has adapted exceptionally well to the challenges of Premier League football, making a similarly seamless step up to the top flight as he did to Championship football following the Canaries’ promotion in 2010.

However, the cult surrounding his modest debut season in the “greatest league in the world” is enough to provoke an intense vomiting fit. Holt is no superstar. Nor is he supremely talented. Holt’s game relies on intense physicality, the skewing of the spirit of the game to the maximum extent permissible, usually based on the referee’s inability to adhere to the rulebook, and opportunism. Now, you wouldn’t build a shrine to Dave because he managed to get a senior managerial job at EDF Energy immediately after quitting the humdrum of installing Virgin Media aerials, would you?

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